That, I would never change

I have always had a sense of pride in who I was on the outside. I was the nice kid who always tried to make friends at the playgrounds, I respected my elders, teachers and family. I was not good at school, but I always made sure that I was proud of the papers and projects that I had done. I was proud of my achievements in Boy Scouts, the leadership trainings, and later becoming an Eagle Scout. But there was one thing that I can reflect upon now, what I do not think I had the awareness to do when I was young. 

I was not proud of being different.

I was not proud of being feminine.

I was not proud of being gay.

I was afraid of the judgement that came along with being gay. I was bullied, I got call f*g more times than I can tell while I was in high school. I was pushed into lockers, pulled to the ground by my backpack, and once was even kicked while I was down. This and my fear of being exiled by some of my friends was the reason I stayed in the closet.

I was not proud of who I was, so I hid it from even those I knew would accept me.

But,

I am now.

I am proud to be the compassionate man I have become. 

I am proud of how and who I love. 

I am no longer afraid of the judgement of others, I now understand that their opinions are not a reflection of me, but of themselves. I love who I am drawn to, someone with an open heart and compassionate soul. 

I am proud; I am the healthiest I have ever felt. I am the happiest I have ever been.

Pride to me is about celebrating the fact that we can openly, and passionately love those who we truly love. We no longer have to hide. I am so thankful for the previous generations of queer people. The ones who fought, and openly loved so I can today.

I am fighting, I am strong. I have been through a lot to get to where I am now. But without that journey, I would only be a fraction of me. 

I am my most authentic self now. And that, I would never change.